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| I’m sorry again that these updates aren’t regular and I’m even sorrier that I keep saying sorry. I hope you enjoy this one. It’s short and sweet but, it says something. It was that kind of a crazy afternoon, terrifically cold, and no sun out or anything, and you felt like you were disappearing every time you crossed a road. I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge, that myth is more potent than history. I believe that dreams are more powerful than acts, that hope always triumphs over experience, that laughter is the only cure for grief and I believe that love is stronger than death. 
Maybe that's what heaven is. Maybe we go through life collecting people and places we love, and they become our heaven
Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this; that love, true love never dies. You remember that. Doesn't matter if it’s true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in
-The Five People You Meet In Heaven
Who says I can’t be free from all of the
things that
I used to be? When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them You've got to realize that everybody bleeds, and that everybody hurts. Everybody laughs, and everybody smiles. That's what it's all about. That's all it is. There is no set meaning of life, there is nothing that can be defined, or written. It's a matter of sculpting your very own definition. 
A few times in my life I've had moments of absolute clarity. When, for a few brief seconds, the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think. And things seem so sharp, and the world seems so fresh. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived for these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.
You’re entirely
bonkers.
But I’ll tell you
a secret.
All the best
people are.
"We live in this culture where everything is supposed to be so hip and so cool... and it's not cool to love, and it's not cool to take care of each other, and it's not cool to stand up for ourselves. But you know what? Fuck all of that. I believe in love, and I believe that the only way that we are going to survive this fucking craziness that's going on in our world today is if we just learn to look at love, turn our heads the other way from all the bullshit, and fucking love." | | |
| Well, I guess it's been a bit too long since I've updated; that's not to say I haven't been on to read all of your posts; they've been great by the way. I'm thinking about starting this back up now that it's almost spring. Who knows though. For today I just have a question though, nothing big.
Everyone says they've felt butterflies and sparks, all those cliche little things but, are they real? Can these feelings really be so physical? Or is it something that's said to get the point across? I just want to know if I've been missing out on something with these relationships. I'm not "in love," I haven't been, and I honestly don't want to be yet; but, I want to know if I'll know it by those kind of things when it does come along.
I guess I've never really put anything that personal on here but, I'd really like to hear what any readers have to say. So sorry for being such an awful website host.
I'll leave you with one of my favorites though.
"What about little microphones? What if everyone swallowed them, and they played the sounds of our hearts through little speakers, which could be in the pouches of our overalls? When you skateboarded down the street at night you could hear everyone’s heartbeat, and they could hear yours, sort of like sonar. One weird thing is, I wonder if everyone’s hearts would start to beat at the same time, like how women who live together have their menstrual periods at the same time, which I know about, but don’t really want to know about. That would be so weird, except that the place in the hospital where babies are born would sound like a crystal chandelier in a houseboat, because the babies wouldn’t have had time to match up their heartbeats yet. And at the finish line at the end of the New York City Marathon it would sound like war."
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| Definitely been a while; sorry about that. Thanks for the continued support though; I appreciate it. Hope you like this one.
Oh, alright. Tonight is telling us we're way too young
Oh, that's alright, I've forever on the tip of my tongue.
You stole tapes and a flashlight on a summer night from my car. I felt something in a lightning storm. With heavy rain and thunder like melted storm, yeah. When everything seems to wash away, I want to put just two feet on the ground, ground, ground, ground, ground!
The beautiful thing about memories is that they are yours; whether they are good, bad, or indifferent. They belong to you, and no matter where life takes you, your memories tie you to where you've been, and to where you are now.
I just think happiness
is what makes people pretty.
Period.
Happy people are beautiful.
And all our hopes. And all our friends. Through parking lots it's where we've been. Shoes have grown mighty old, pants faded knees with holes, stitched up now silver thread. Fixed up now like I said, boy. You'll be okay, boy. Your silver thread, boy. Your silver tiles. Your silver bones.
The mind may have forgotten, but the body remembers everything -in the melody of a song, in a rip of a dress, in a taste stuck at the tip of your tongue, in the freckled constellation splattered across your light skin, in a look not mean to be a look, in the movement their hips against yours, in a graze between nervous hands, in the loud beat of your beating heart. In one moment, the body remembers everything so vividly, so wildly, as if it were experiencing it the first time & the last time combined - an explosion of sorts that will never seem to leave with time. These things have become pieces of us, that have found a way to stay forever, as much as we deny it ever happened. But the reality is that it was never a figment - in fact, it was our realest dream somehow brought to life.
Don’t you dare tell me nothing matters.
Everything matters.
Every fucking drop of rain, every ray of sunlight,
every wisp of cloud matters
and they matter because I can see them
and if I can see them then they can see me
and I know that there’s an entire world
that cares out there,
hiding behind a world that doesn’t,
afraid to show who it really is and with or without you,
I will drag that world out of the dirt
and the blood and the muck until we live in it.
Until we all live in it.
I hope you know
you're beautiful;
today, tomorrow
and for every day
I remember you.
I’m just gonna keep my eyes closed. Because this is like that moment in the morning when you first wake up and you’re still half asleep and everything seems… things are possible, dreams feel true and for that one moment between waking and dreaming anything can be real… and then you open your eyes and the sun hits you and realize – I’m just gonna keep my eyes closed.
You know what is such a beautiful thing? People. In general. Everyone. People. Ah, I love them. All. Because they know things. They see things in a way I never have. They let me into their mind and let me explore and let me dig in the cavernous areas that they don’t let everyone into. It’s such a beautiful thing to be trusted and to trust and to love and to be loved. I am in awe of the world.
I do not want to think about you walking towards me or taking me to the places I have never been. I do not want to think about you at night, when no one is thinking of me. I do not want to love you, so I am giving you to the other girls; they can have you and the sun that smiles down on you, they can have you and the sky that opens for you. They can have you, and they can keep you.
I’m sorry I didn’t know
I loved you then.
I’m sorry I broke you;
I miss you so,
I guess we’re even.
"I might slip through the cracks; I might end up on the other side. Perhaps it will be on purpose; perhaps I’ll have barely tried. He may be standing before me, he maybe wants to talk. Two little birds flew overhead and told me I should walk. So why am I not walking? Why am I so still? Where do i sign up for another empty thrill? The present is nonexistent, the future is the past. The black on black and shades of gray are failing to contrast. So watch me as I fall away from everything I should be. My hopes and dreams present themselves, but I can barely see."
And if you look a little closer, you'll see that if a person believes that life is terrible, they’ll constantly look for proof of this, to confirm their view of the world. They’ll find quotes and situations and events in their life and magnify them a hundred times. If a person believes that life is wonderful, they’ll look for the corresponding signage and behave in a similar manner to the previous person with their view of the world. Often, this is the same person on different days of the week. - I Wrote This For You
That night I started to think about belief. Maybe it's not even advisable to be an optimist. Maybe pessimism is something we have to apply daily, like moisturizer, otherwise how do you bounce back when reality batters your belief system, and love does not, as promised, conquer all? Is hope a drug we need to go off of, or is it keeping us alive?
- Sex and the City
You know what I want more than anything in the world right now? To talk to you, to be with you, this very instant. I want to sit across from you Indian style and look into your eyes and see for myself exactly how they change color in the light. I want to hold your hand in the palm of mine, and trace every line with my fingertips.
I am a jumble of passions,
misgivings, and wants.
It seems that I am always
in a state of wishing and
rarely in a state of contentment.
You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you're satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you've got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you're trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you. - Chuck Palahniuk
Memories like fireflies, a green hue of imagery.
But much too random to see clearly.
And I don't recall much between you and me,
Grey and cloudy,
this tragedy plays itself over again in my mind.
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| Home! Here's an update, hope you all enjoy.
I wish it could be simple, like a retro pop song, "I want you to want me." Boom. End of story. We all live happily ever after. But it's never really like that, is it?
-John Tucker Must Die
We just get the one life, you know. Just one. You can't live someone else's or think it's more important just because it's more dramatic. What happens matters. Maybe only to us, but it matters.
- Ghost Town
Music is everybody's business. It's only the publishers who think people own it.
- John Lennon
I hadn't understood how days could be both long and short at the same time: long to live through, maybe, but so drawn out that they ended up flowing into one another. They lost their names. Only 'yesterday' and 'tomorrow' still had any meaning for me.
"How can you say that? You think I want this? That I don't care? Believe me, I want to be here, to do things. I want to graduate from high school. I want to go to the stupid Winter Formal. I have this friend, and it would be fun to go with him. Just to dance, hear lame music, to wear a silly dress and laugh and stuff. I'd like to go. There's a lot I'd like to do. You know, I'd love to ice skate at Rockefeller Center. And I'd love to see my cousins grow up, see who they become 'cause they're really mean and I think they're gonna be fat. I'd love to backpack. Or, I don't know, fall in love. But I won't...I just never will."
Once you find your other half you ask yourself how you lived before, because when you didn't have it, you didn't know it was missing. Once you finally find it something amazing happens. You not only find beauty in yourself, but you find beauty in another person. Knowing that other person sees that same thing in you, well it's astonishing.
Don't you know that
dreams are fragile things?
- A Troll In Central Park
Somewhere, things must be beautiful and vivid. Somewhere else, life has to be beautiful and vivid and rich. Not like this muted palette- a pale blue bedroom, washed out sunny sky, dull green yellow brown of the fields. Here, I know every twist of the road, every blade of grass, every face in this town, and I am suffocating.
I think we spend too much time wondering why we're not good enough - we spend too much time overanalyzing, over-thinking, and overreacting. We waste too much time putting ourselves down, so much that we don't ever stop to see that well, we are good enough. You are good enough. We spend too much time with our heads down and hearts closed; and never get a chance to look up from the ground and see that the sun is shining and tomorrow is another day.
And if you look a little closer, you'll see that if a person believes that life is terrible, they’ll constantly look for proof of this, to confirm their view of the world. They’ll find quotes and situations and events in their life and magnify them a hundred times. If a person believes that life is wonderful, they’ll look for the corresponding signage and behave in a similar manner to the previous person with their view of the world. Often, this is the same person on different days of the week.
There's always something
left, if two people really
loved each other
All I can do is be me, whoever that is. All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie. All this talk about equality. The only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die. This world is ruled by violence. No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky. Yesterday's just a memory, tomorrow is never what it's supposed to be.
“It’s laughing with your friend at a time when you shouldn’t. It’s the sweat in your palms wanting to know someone you see and the pit in your stomach when they actually see you. It’s being touched by hands that aren’t your own. It’s the thrill of an escape that almost wasn’t. it’s the embarrassment you feel, naked for the first time. It’s helping a friend find something they lost. It’s a smile, a joke, a song. It’s what someone does that they like doing. It’s what someone does that they like remembering. It’s the thinking of things you m ay never do and the doing of things you may never have though. It’s the road ahead and the road behind. It’s the first step and the last and every one in between, because they all make up the good life.” –The Good Life
You measure yourself
by the people who
measure themselves by you.
- The Bucket List
I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
--When Harry Met Sally
I love books, by the way, way more than movies. Movies tell you what to think. A good book lets you choose a few thoughts for yourself. Movies show you the pink house. A good book tells you there's a pink house and lets you paint some of the finishing touches, maybe choose the roof style,park your own car out front. My imagination has always topped anything a movie could come up with.
For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
I do not care what car you drive, where you live. If you know someone who knows someone who knows someone. If your clothes are this year's cutting edge. If your trust fund is unlimited. If you are A-list or B-list or never-heard-of-you list. I only care about the words that flutter from your mind. They are the only thing you truly own. The only thing I will remember you by. I will not fall in love with your bones and skin. I will not fall in love with the places you have been. I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.
Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night's sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way too.
I like the stars.
It’s the illusion
of permanence.
I can pretend that
things last, that lives
last longer than moments.
Good afternoon. My name is Edward Cole. I don't know what most people say at these occasions because in all honesty, I've tried to avoid them. The simplest thing is I loved him and I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together, which is amazing when you think that only three months ago we were complete strangers. I hope that it doesn't sound selfish of me, but the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life, and he knew it before I did. I'm deeply proud that this man found it worth his while to know me. In the end, I think it's safe to say that we brought some joy to one another's lives, so one day, when I go to some final resting place, if I happen to wake up next to a certain wall with a gate, I hope that Carter's there to vouch for me and show me the ropes on the other side.
- The Bucket List
"It happened right then; he looked at me, and it was the thing I'd been waiting for but didn't know it. I don't mean anything corny like I fell in love or even into a crush or anything like that. It was more a feeling like when I'd get picked first for volleyball or find one of those stupid school candygrams in my locker.
It was knowing someone else thought about me for more than one second,
maybe even thought about me when I wasn't there."
" hell, i've always been old Ben. you know what though? i don't mind. i mean if my muscles ache, it's because i've used them. it's hard for me to walk up them steps now, it's 'cause i walked up 'em every night to lay next to a man who loved me. i got a few wrinkles here and there, but i've laid under thousands of skies with sunny days. i look and feel this way well 'cause i drank and i smoked, i lived and i loved, danced, sang, sweat and screwed my way through a pretty damn good life if you ask me. getting old ain't bad Ben, getting old, that's earned."
But I also hoped that she had chosen California because she thought that was her true home, the place where she really belonged, where it was always warm and you could dance in the rain, pick grapes right off the vines, and sleep outside at night under the stars
It was silly of us
to look for qualities
in each other that
we never had.
- The Painted Veil
Dreams and coffee and sunrises make up the rhythms of the road. Music is a part of it, too: the popular music on the jukeboxes and radio stations. You hear it constantly, in diners and on car radios. The music has a rhythm that fits the steady drumming of tires over pavement. It seeps into your bloodstream. After a while it ceases to make any difference whether or not you like the stuff. When you’re traveling alone, a nameless rider with a succession of strangers, it can give you a comforting sense of the familiar to hear the same music over and over
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| I'm going to be away in Italy for a while. Thanks for all the feedback and what not; sorry I haven't posted too recently. Hope everyone is enjoying summer; have some good times, meet some good people, make some memories and take some photos.
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